Games for Old People

Over a month. I'm cured. Sh*t, I'm here again.

To the point, I’ve been playing “how did you meet ‘this one’” with various friends and acquaintances and it got me thinking nothing can surprise me; I've had it all.

Sadly some stories are tragically short. Take for example this one:

– I met this one on facebook. One of us added the other, the other accepted, we met a few times, a friend may have been involved and VOILA, here we are.

Or I met this one on facebook too. One of us added the other, the other accepted, we met a few times, a friend of a friend may have been involved and VOILA, where are we? *remove 'friend'*

Or I met this one through a friend, a random happenstance off the streets of Nairobi and before I knew it, there was a friend request, an acceptance and VOILA.

Others are more interesting; like this one:

-I saw this one on facebook, liked the little I saw, sent a request so I could see more, liked most of what more I saw, hit on them like it'd been a while, met them, saw them kissing someone ugly and VOILA, here we are, and no further.

Or I stumbled on this one on the streets of Nairobi talking to a friend, double clicked the like button, did weird magical search things on facebook, found the profile and before long there was an adding, an accepting, a chasing, a catching, a living happily ever after limited edition, a breaking up, a brief awkwardness, a good getting along, and VOILA.

Or I met this one back then when there was only internet, before they became all up in your face in malls and shit, when there was little choice and before ‘the beautiful ones were born’; there was a meeting, a getting bored, a keeping in touch, a good getting along and VOILA, people throwing bff-shit our way.

Or I stumbled on this one in a mall, with a friend, was smitten but naïve, got a text the following day, got caught up in a love triangle the following weekend, was given a choice, made an even better choice, a there we were, a flying out, a getting pissed at the world and swearing ‘never again’, a keeping in touch, warm feelings, and VOILA, here we’re not.

Others are downright tragic; like these ones

-I met this one through the internet, I wasn’t moved one bit, a friend was involved, things got messy, I got me a stalker, I cut myself off from society, and VOILA, living in fear every day.

And I met this one, I fought the temptation to run, we talked, I rolled my eyes every time I blinked, it was over before long, I walked away and VOILA, I’m never looking back.

And I met this one through a dear friend, we got along like a pair of parrots, we hunted together, he got all the good ones I wanted, I got jealous, I got mad, I found an excuse, I didn’t talk to him for a year, I felt good, I accepted a friend request, and VOILA, I make sure to include ‘not interested in him” as part of my criteria for a good one.

And I met this one on mig, I liked, someone else got them first, I moved on, they were heart broken, I moved in to ‘console’, I got rejected, I looked at them again, sang best thing I never had inside, and VOILA, facebook chat once every few months.

And I met this one through a friend, I liked, was liked back, a friend was involved, I learnt I was confused, got even more confused, we did something silly together, we moved on and forgot, and VOILA, who the hell was I thinking about?

Looking back, all this teaches me one thing, never judge an “I met..” until you head “…and VOILA”.

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For no apparent reason I'll tell you what I've been watching of late. Steve Spielberg, mostly. He seems to have decided movies aren't the in thing, and that series are. So he has these interesting series out, the latest being Terra Nova. This one about a modern day community put in the middle of nowhere in the age of dinosaurs. Characteristic of him, he makes it not be all about dinosaurs. That man knows how to spin a tale.

Then of course Walking Dead has made a comeback. I find it to be the most captivating series this year. It's about this band of people surviving in a post apocalyptic earth trying to not be bitten by zombies. Such series have a place in my heart, wherever that one is.

I have an ulterior motive for saying all that, and I'll buy anyone lunch who can tell me what that motive is. And I promise not to cheat on that.

Anyway, I've just come from chatting with an idiot. I mean, can anyone be more transparent about their "hidden agenda"? I suspected their motive from hello. But I pretended to be the imbecile I'm not coz I had some spare time. Suffices to say I'm not interested in seeing that thru.

Oh, and over the last one month I think I've impressed myself by sticking to at least one resolve, that of not hitting on someone I'd otherwise be attracted to. And eventually they buckled, and I've still continued to ignore them. Why? Coz I can, and cause my ego doesn"t like repeat bruising.

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I think I'd like me if I met me!

If I met me, I think I'd like me. No, seriously. Thinking about it, I realize that I like me, objectively speaking. I'm almost exactly how I'd want me to be, and there's very little I'd change about myself. The little I'd like to change, is mostly what I can never change.

I'm not saying it would be a flawless encounter. No, I'm sure at first I'd be a little cautious, which I completely understand, of course. And then I would embark on a journey of discovery, self-discovery, you might say. And when I realize I've known enough about me to pierce the cold callous exterior, then I'd appreciate what I found underneath, and the need to protect it from the scalding touch of lesser mortals.

Oh yes, I think I'd like me, and I'd get along with me. I'd even understand my mood swings, and the need for some "me" time. Heck, I think I'd even love me, and with a few other considerations, I'd date me. Of course being a guy will have its complications, such as commitment issues to say the least. But love conquers all, doesn't it.

Maybe I'd judge myself too harshly, or demand too much of myself, but I'd understand why. And I would go a bit out of my way to accommodate myself because of it. I'd think I'd be a good friend to me, I'd be faithful, understanding without being suffocating and petty.

Sigh, it feels good to know I'd like myself if I met myself and had the chance to know myself.

PS, don't dare read any poetic strain in the post, it was not meant to be.

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Drugs are bad for you.

Which reminds me, jokes about vagina are just not funny. Period.

I had an exciting weekend in which I also got to think a lot about my life. Turns out that I'm chicken. The reason I didn't hit on someone I met was not because of principle, it was because I didn't have the guts and I was afraid of failure. Go figure (although to save face I must say the stakes were not nearly high enough).

But this blog is not about me, its about....., oh sh*t, it is about me.

For the third consecutive weekend I went for bowling. And in retrospect, turns out my score remains the same regardless of whatever state I'm in. But I think I should take a break, its getting boring already.

I'm planning yet another short vacation, and this time I must travel out of this city.

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Life Lessons

Your enemies rarely take you for granted. If they do, either you deserve it, or they won't be around much longer to take you for granted again. Your acquaintances rarely take you for granted. If they do, they are easily dismissed with the contempt they deserve.

Your friends on the other hand. They occupy that strategic place in your life which allows them the opportunity to take advantage of you. The ones who do it without knowing are both better and worse. They're better because they do it inadvertently, they're not making you a tool deliberately. They're worse because they don't understand the inevitable knee jerk reaction to being used. After long enough, you'll just have to snap, and they have the audacity to take offense. Few care enough (or have the acumen) to have multifaceted insight into the small conflicts that occur in society.

The ones who do it knowingly don't deserve the knee jerk reaction, they need instant reclassification. If you don't think that any of your friends can do this, you need only check out two areas of social interaction - mind games and back biting. There you'll find you culprits, devilishly gifted at disarming you with a smiling.

Thank God for relatives. Your relatives will almost always take you for granted, but that's what they're there for, they were pre-determined for the sole purpose of making sure that your friends taking you for granted doesn't come as a surprise.

Here's to not being surprised when friends take you for granted, and to us having the courage to do what we must, and to God, for giving us relatives to teach us a thing or two about how callous human beings can be.

No, I'm not writing this out of recent personal experience. And no, I'm also not purporting never to have made the mistake of expecting better from my friends. I'm just saying what's crossed my mind. Because I can.

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Bloctober

Ain't life just ironic?

I spent a few painful hours with two friends who were once love birds but have since found the inevitable differences. The tension in the air between them was palpable and tiring; eventually just had to separate for the sake of my Sunday. It all boils down to ego, I think. They're both too proud to make enough effort to get along with each other.

I don't blame them, my ego makes such socially awkward moments a case of black or white. We either get along and I recognize your existence or we don't get along and you're persona non grata. And its a bad thing, to be so damn unforgiving. Humans are not wired for that. Oh well, to each his own.

And they both spent countless minutes telling me how much the other is at fault. Sigh, I'm glad when I don't get along with someone, I don't go around saying how bad they are just so that by some chance they can hear that and make more effort to reconcile. If I don't get along with you, I just don't.

I sucked at bowling, a game about simple vectors. I normally don't suck, but the combination of alcohol and weird mix of company was disconcerting enough for my brains higher functions to be compromised.

I'll have an issue this week. I suspect I'll have to say no at some point, both to people dear to me and to myself. Bring it on, baby. I like the challenge of saying no.

Interesting month. I like.

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Wednesday Nightmares

I had a nightmare yesterday, actually a series of nightmares. But they weren’t nearly as scary as those in between moments when I was awake and checked facebook for current happenings. And no, Steve Jobs death did not scare me that much, in fact, the thought that someone else would beat me at coming up with clever witty jokes about that was more disturbing.

The source of my disconcertion was a news feed item that showed two people who recently became friends. One of these is the most psychotic person I know, as in I literary freak out every time I hear his name. And the reason for this is not my fault, mostly. When you have the kind of friends I have, finding your way into the most freakish situation is not very hard.

Anyway, I’ve been ignoring this person since before post election violence. I could brave commuting through the CBD during the height of the post election violence but I have not dared respond to the many attempts at reconciliation from this one individual.

The other one just has issues.

Both, at some point in knowing me, have wanted a piece of me, including wanting to cut out a large piece of me and watch me bleed to death. Ok, I exaggerate. But the point was, two vaguely distressing memories have converged into one anomalous association. I will wait with baited breath to see if a combined assault ensues.

Weeeeee shall, we shall not be moved (in a workers union singing voice).

Oh, Steve Jobs finally did something everyone alive now will have to do in their lifetime. He died. iTook a bite of that Apple once, and it wasn't bad, it wasn't bad at all.

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October - Final Lap

I’ve “drafted” a post that a friend inspired me to write. It covers that sensitive topic of things that only Oprah should hear, and even she should listen them backstage with her bodyguards on stand by. But I can tell a hating post while I write it and I’ve decided that I’m too nice for that sh*t.

You know, one interesting thing about blogging is unpredictability. Having chosen such a personal topic means I cannot predict what I will post about in the weeks to come. But this also keeps me on my toes in looking out for things I can talk about while at the same time making sure I don’t go the vain bitchy route.

I thank God for my friends. They come in all assortments and I can always find at least two people to identify with in any given scenario. It’s true that you attract what you exude. Figures why I know so few emotional wrecks, and the few I know don’t survive.

October is usually a hurried month for me, hurried but productive. Oh well, let me get to it.

PS: Today I remembered an old saying - "Small minds discuss people. Average Minds discuss events. Great minds discuss ideas". Let us all examine ourselves (In a preacher-like tone).

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Again?

I've changed my url again. You see, unlike you, I don't have trouble finding my blog, I don't need to cram urls. I just log into blogger and I have all the links that I need.

I did it because I like the new url more that I liked the old one, not out of the need to dodge y'all. I mean, aren't you, inexorably, here?

I however think that this url will give me more drama than the other one. But then again, that wasn't the intention, just an acceptable collateral effect.

Enjoy, I know I will.

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Ode to my Crazy

Dear Child,

If I had a trophy cabinet, you'd not be in it. It would be for trophies, not wrapping or filler. When you're playing games, you have to be willing to accept a win or a loss, but you need the intelligence to know what constitutes a win and what doesn't. If you had what it takes to play chess well enough, you might (emphasis on the existence of possibility not on the presence of probability) have picked up that part of strategy is predicting reaction. In other words, you manipulate the player, not just the game pieces. I fear that analogy is too complex to explain in writing, and I have since lost the tolerance for your mediocre acts of playing grown-up. Also, I understand that your upbringing has made you comfortable with the role of victim, but comparing yourself to an actual victim cannot be the only way to establish your identity. Of course I care, which is why I'm discussing this on a blog about the things in life that don't matter rather than updating my status in a vague but remotely suggestive manner (I suspect there is some semantic redundancy in that statement but I don't care enough to confirm). Petty and pathetic. You'd think there wasn't more to life. Delayed reaction to rejection? I guess everyone has their own way of coping. And another thing, the whole idea behind threats is the question - what are you going to do? I am completely and utterly intimidated. This is a very interesting topic but I'm yawning too much already. I've always thought that you were a perpetrated fraud, every facet of  your being desperately cultured to reflect the lie that you are more than you actually are. If you have any doubts, take a moment to compare your thoughts late at night with your statements in broad daylight. Classic case of form without substance.

Yours faithfully,
I-care-so-much-what-you-think Do-your-worst

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Forever Unbowed

Now y'all know I don't do convention. I mean, this blog is about the unimportant things in life, not the things that matter. It's about the small peculiar things in life that catch my attention but have nothing to do with posterity, or with the bigger picture. But this one I must comment about.

Those of you who know me know that there is a severe shortage of shits coming from me especially about emotional stuff. I'm an expert move-oner. I get angry, sad and confused just like any human being but I quickly rationalize why I'm feeling that way, decide on some logical course of action and move the freak on. Cheers to the freaking weekend, right?

But I came as close to tears today when I learnt that we've lost one of the most (for now I'm leaving it open that there is someone more deserving of the superlative) respectable women Kenya has known. Professor Wangari Maathai. I'm told she was 71, and yet she was so full of life.

I guess that's what makes for life, isn't it? Living for a cause bigger that yourself. They say you have not started living until you have found a cause you are willing to die for. I completely agree, despite the fact that I'm as devoid of such a cause as I suspect you are. What is life but motions and emotions if we do not live for something that will survive our mortality? Isn't this life that we hold so dear nothing more than what the good book says - whisps of smoke which are readily dispersed by the winds of time.

I respect parents for that one reason. They dedicate (some less adequately so) their lives or a part of their lives to generate something that will survive them. Parenting (or just sex and it's consequences) having defied billions, nay countless, deaths to result in 6 billion lives, ATM (I really wanted to use the word "circa" somewhere but I guess I'm not that good, yet).

Back to the Prof. Nothing is as inspiring to me as defiance of the norm. Her book "Unbowed" for instance, I haven't read it, but I've read about it and can imagine the kind of stuff she's written in it. The topic, however, says it all. I mean, isn't that the epitome of defiance, rivaled only by my perennial insistence on stirring anti-clockwise?

Now get me right, I don't think she was perfect. I have previously raised the question of human perfection with Mother Theresa herself so Prof certainly can't cut it. In fact, now that I think about it, I would have one or two questions for the Virgin Mary. I won't blaspheme by questioning her virginity prior to the holy birth, but I'm sure she did have one or two issues to her name at some point.

I remember long ago watching a movie about Ghandi. I actually cried at his defiance - refusing, on pain of death to resort, to violence. The irony of course being that he also left a side legacy of battering his wife but lets not get into that.

I teared up when I went to the Kigali Genocide Memorial Center, not because of the atrocious acts of human being which I am perfectly acquainted with, but with the selfless acts of a few. The story of people who jeorpadized their own lives to save others, and of tremendous acts of selflessness (emotional overload + limited language = redundant expressions). I recall reading about this unarmed one who faced off many armed men pursuing a women - he beat them back by quoting this one phrase from the Talmud "Save one soul and you save the entire world". I had to leave my colleagues so as to sit and fight back the tears at that point.

So I cry for Professor, not because she's gone, because we all will go, but because while she was here she defied life and the norms it seeks to shove down ours. I mean, I just watched a youtube video interview of her talking about the story of the humming bird - of sacrificial devotion to a cause which on the face of it appears lost.

I will defy life, until death I will defy its conforming power.


As a by the way, I have to say, in addition to my views of human beings being a viral cancer on our planet, being completely vain and typical, I have recently had cause to add petty and pathetic to that list. And to that I say, I remain yours, the Unbowed!!!

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Late Year Mutations

Alcohol on a Sunday night, heart to heart talk with a friend, chatting up someone I met on the streets and late night blogging. This is trouble.

I believe in love, true love, but not that fairy tale shit. I believe that two human being can spend their entire lives for each other, complimenting each other in ways that words cannot capture. But I don't believe that it happens often. I believe that typical love stories are few, and those few are marred with issues that fortunately never face public scrutiny. And thats the whole idea behind true love, properly managed public relations.

I believe that most people settle for less. That whole shit about loving someone despite their flaws is just another way of saying, I can't possibly do better so let me make the best of you.

And most people think I'm a pessimist in this (and many other regards) and I consider myself a realist. I mean, find me a couple who's never argued? Couples that last argue continously. But they have the tenacity to make it work. Unlike me. I've only argued (and I use that word lightly) once with both of my exes. And it was that argument that sowed the seed of the end. I'm damagingly unforgiving. Something about no giving shits just in case they ain't ever given back.

Anyway, I have to sleep now. I will complete this thought some other time.

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Social Dilemma

Do you know there's a dilemma about how to spell dilemma? Is it dilemma or dilemna? I've always known that it was dilemna without question and now I'm told that I'm wrong with a consolation that I'm not alone. Anyway, this is irrelevant.

I've been presented with yet another opportunity to make a meaningful social relationship out of someone I met a while ago. And I will squander it. You see, those of you who don't have gut instincts can never know how compelling these can be. My guts rarely ever lead me wrong. Two years back I'd have said without fear of contradiction that my gut instincts have NEVER led me wrong. Time has made me wiser. But statistically, my guts tend to know more than my rational self. And my guts tell me that there is something amiss in the set up I've been presented with this time.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing overtly wrong with this person, nothing my mind can wrap itself around anyway. But I get the feeling that the facade is not a long term facade. We're all vain, but human decency demands that we must be consistent with our pretenses. Character is just what pretenses we are willing to defy time and chance over. Ok, in this I admit I am hopelessly pessimistic. In fact, I'm so pessimistic that I think I'm being a realist.

Anyway, a friend of mine says he's watching this like a soap opera. I guess I'll also wait to see how it concludes. Will they get married and live happily ever after? F*ck no, it's not that kind of a soap. Why is it that people have difficulty believing I can make an effort to establish a platonic friendship?

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Blog Dilemma

Almost every single time I think of a topic to discuss here, I realize that someone else has discussed it recently. It feel so un-original to give my own views except on a relatively virgin topic. I mean, even looking back I cannot find a single topic which had not already been discussed by other people before I posted. But really, isn't what makes anything interesting the fact that we can all relate to it and have similar and maybe only slightly divergent views on it? And who do I think I am to come up with an absolutely new topic for discussion? I guess I'm feeling the pressure of aversion to the typical, more specifically, to being typical.

Sigh. For the first time I feel real pressure to end this blog while I'm still ahead. And no, this has nothing to do with the avalanche of bloggers in my social circle (all of whom, and I say this with a pained ego, seem to have found far more relevant things to talk about). It has everything to do with assured quality, in a sense I feel as though I am not ISO certified to do this. I was never an interesting topic to begin with, and while almost everything I can think of tickles my fancy, my sense of humour diminishes rapidly once communicated, in speech first then in writing - to put it another way, things are way funnier when I'm thinking about them, only slightly funny when I say then and downright boring when I write them down.

Is it a potential I should try to work on rather than kill? I don't think so. The financial consideration does not match up to the opportunity cost. For those of us who do not have a single bone of art, literary creations are a pain in the nether regions - the sehemu nyeti's of the psyche. And the end benefits to me (yes, like every other human being I'm inherently selfish, looking at what I can get out of life, rather then what I can give to it) are uncertain at best and otherwise mundane.

I won't let you know if I'm leaving. I won't say goodbye. I won't look back hoping to see regret in your eyes. I will walk away, with my chin held up and my lips curled into a smile. That's just me, and the few who have tried to change me have left frustrated.

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Splurt splurt, I'm out!!!

Excerpts from potential posts I could have developed...

1. There I was, all prepped up and ready to do battle with my keyboard, to hunt through sites and links and search engines to get to that one coveted site that I recently heard about, ready to burn the midnight oil and take countless cups of coffee in a effort to keep the demons of sleep from taking shape, and then, poof, I found it. Without effort, without strain and even the bleakest hint of mental exertion I found the link to it. And to seal the deal, irony determined that I found it to be utterly irrelevant to my then very paralyzing desire. No, kind sir, this is not a quest for the perfect porn clip, I was just looking for an acquaintance's blog....

2. I played Oprah today, trying to reconcile two irrevocable warped personalities, both smirking with pride and ego. It didn't work. I don't understand people well enough. I can't manipulate people as well as I would like to. Sigh, if only this world was like a PS2, I'd have grown tired of it and switched it off.....

3. Epiphany. No, nothing related to constipation as first thoughts would suggest. I finally know how world war  III is going to start. Everyone's inbox threads and texts on every social network are going to become publicly available to their friends (and enemies). My goodness, you know the bible does say there will be silence in heaven for half a hour during the end time? I betcha it's coz everyone will be reading and getting emotional thrust for heinous acts of revenge. Grievous bodily harm will be the order of the day. What else can the bible mean when it says "brother against brother, friend against friend" (that one is paraphrased coz I don't have my bible handy and I don't feel like opening a whole new tab just to Google a bible verse for your heatheny asses)....

4. You know why I remove people from my online list? It's because every once in a while, I forget why I chose not to talk to you and then I open your chat window and type a big "HELLO" before facebook has the sense to load previous conversations. I hope to Blog that you didn't have the window open and Facebook all so gossiply tells you that I'm typing. Most of the time my mind and reflexes keep me from hitting the enter key before I realize the error of my ways. I wonder what I'd say if I remember my problem with you after sending you a hello and a smiley to boot....

It's not that I don't have inspiration, its that I have that condition which, if it was to be applied to bedroom performance, would be the source of serious social stigma. You know what I'm talking about......if not, take IQ classes and re-read the post topic. Sigh, I'll do this the corporate way and set up a committee to investigate the way forward.

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The Adonis Factor

That's the title of a documentary I've just watched. It's about appreciation of male beauty, essentially how vain the "stronger" sex has become. Interesting piece that was screaming just one thing at me - VANITY!!! Human being are vain and must be destroyed.

Anyway, I saw this bit about nude yoga. I have no idea how that fitted into the whole documentary but it reminded me that a dear friend of mine once posted about life in the nude. Now that's something my whole being will never come to appreciate. Life in the nude is objectionable enough without bending in all manner of exposing positions and postures.

The whole concept of being exposed in public does not augur well with me. Not to mention that I grew up, actually have lived until recently, with the utmost sense of self consciousness about my body. And before we even get to my insecurities, the whole health and security issue about things dangling everywhere does not bother you? It bothers me much, and the breeze does not make up for the visual offense. I may not have a bone of art in me but I appreciate beauty, and notice the lack of it especially if its my face. And I cannot imagine that beauty, or lack of it, assaulting me raw. Think of the ugliest least beautiful person you know and imagine them naked (now go puke and come back to finish the post). Like y'all I'm a sensitive soul, there's only so much I can take.

I mean, being naked is such a small part of our lives, ain't it? I'm only naked in the shower and while "doing it", the former for a few minutes once a day and the latter for hopefully a few more minutes once a much-longer-period-depending-on-the-weather. I don't even sleep in the nude so I cannot contemplate living in the nude, AT ALL.

Having said that, there's some aesthetic value in partial nudity. You know, someone naturally (or artificially so long as we don't notice) beautiful dressing scantily, not from lack but deliberately and fashionably. In fact, that's a factor that I think is creeping into fashion, but I'm sure you'll find better blogs on that. But most of us sneak peaks at those underwear pictures and it ain't the fabric that's caught our attention.

Sigh, a shot of vodka in a whole glass of apple juice is not bad for a week night, is it? Especially when I'm thinking of taking the day off tomorrow, right?

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Why We All Die

Ok, that's a misleading topic, but I got you reading.

A few minutes ago I got an epiphany and now have incredible wisdom to share on life's most pertinent problems. Why are politicians so annoying? Why are lawyers so crooked? Why are blogs filled with such pain, despair, frustration and other negative emotions? And why don't I like humanity in general?

You see, any activity that appeals to the general public or a section of the public is bound to play to its whims. Politicians have no choice but to appeal to the public, and the masses are not known to posses a collectively high IQ, ergo politicians have to be, or act stupid. Lawyers cater to the less law abiding in society, and in the process they pick up more than a few inappropriate habits. Blogs have to constantly appeal to the readers, and the readers are avid consumers of gossip and emotionally unhinged musings. You disagree? Join a support group or start a blog about it.

Anyway, the reason for this epiphany is that I have realized the posts that more appeal to the readers are those that either spread gossip, or expose a psychological problem with the author. I mean, do you really want to read about my opinion on any topic or just the juicy ones?

Sigh. I feel as though I am out of my depth with blogging. Perhaps I should change the url to make it anonymous and then start putting some really personal shit up. Or maybe I should just stop caring about you long enough to post what I damn well feel like posting. Maybe I should do shorter posts. Or maybe I should spend my time coming up with a scheme to be really rich and then you'll all read my posts coz I'm rich, not because the blog is entertaining.

That's a lot of maybes for a Tuesday morning.

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Bucket List tries X

I've been working on my bucket list for the last 2 weeks and I haven't been able to get past 5. Isn't there an unwritten rule somewhere that they should be at least 11? Is the lack of progress a sign that I am lacking in ambition? Should I Google a few bucket list items? Did the chicken successfully cross that darn road?

Don't get your hopes up. I will not provide you with these answers just yet.

Like every other person person, immortality appeals to me. So I had an Un-Dorian Gray portrait done. The "Un" is because it has the reverse effect, I age and it doesn't. Oh well, it was the best I could do under the circumstances. I digress.


So anyway, here;s what I have so far....
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.
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There's this list that people come up with basically of things that they feel the need to do before they kick the proverbial "bucket". This takes some thought since its essentially a balance between portraying myself as completely lacking in ambition and ensuring that "my reach does not exceed my thrust". Speaking of which, isn't that phrase the most comical or is my sense of humour just twisted as usual? I mean, the phrase is simply "bark worse than bite" which essentially means reputational ambition - form without substance, but everytime I hear that phrase, all I can think of is this dude who pushes himself to his limit and barely manages to get his thing to reach, but maxes out and can't follow up with a consequential thrust. Ok, I digress.

My bucket list currently reads thus:

1. Go up in a hot air balloon - I know, doesn't sound crazy but keep in mind I have a fear of heights. They say the bigger they are, the harder they fall, and its public knowledge that I pack a big one - ego that is. That other one is barely average by today's standards.

2. Sky dive - an extreme follow up of the former but with a life or death angle. I mean, I'll be facing my fear just like in the hot air balloon but in reverse order where incremental exposure to the source of my is replaced by sudden exposure to it. The reason I think I can do it is because I need to make the decision only once, and I bet my ego can kick me out of that plane and let gravity claim its rightful vengeance on my body. Whether or not I pull that cord is where the life and death choice comes in, my ego will bail and sheer survival instincts will kick in and thrust my reflexes into overdrive. Sorry, am I boring you? Switch to the facebook tab and update about it, why don't you.

3. Own german technology - and by this I don't mean buy a Volkswagen polo, I mean one of those mean-ass BMW or Merc engines which can get me to 200kph and still allow me to breath normal. Say a 335i or a E320. And not just own it and drive it, but for once, just once, do 200kph. I suppose I should add "even if its the last thing I do" coz on Kenyan roads, it might be. I know, knock on wood. And at the thought of accomplishing this bucket list, I don't need to go far to get wood.

4. Design and build my own home. I have mad design ideas, including hidden rooms, secret passages, surveillance systems that would rival CIA's, dedicated rooms (like one lined with mirrors walls, ceiling and floor) and stuff I've pulled out from TV. It will be grand, I tell you.

5. Find love. I know you're shocked but I have to confess I'm not perfect. And I do not mind the idea of 


5. Travel the world. In my itinerary are places like the Egypt pyramids, the Great Wall of China, Machu Pichu (not-so-lost city of the Incas), the Amazon and Antarctica, basically places which are not ordinary. If there was a tour service to the moon, I'd have it on the list.
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Hopefully one day, I'll have a proper bucket list. Wait, am I allowed to put that on my bucket list, or is that a redundant thought?

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A Lesson in Human Nature

Romans 7:15 "I  do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Human nature is such that we do not readily accept our weaknesses, we seek to compensate for it, cover it or outrightly deny it, and yet, for some intriguing reason, history is filled with inspiring people who seem to have made peace with their weaknesses.

I will not add to that list.

Like every other mortal I walk around with a facade that my character, despite my sincerest efforts, I cannot match up to. This year has had one repetitive theme for me, that all of us are carefully (not so much so in some cases) self perpetuated frauds, masks, hollow facades, baseless forms of nothingness which we portray with irresponsible confidence. And it seems that I have not been spared as an example to myself.

I don't like lying to myself, but it seems I love a peaceful sleep more. Even this post is an attempt at pacifying myself, making peace with my demons, rather than expelling them with the revulsion that they deserve. I find insight but not comfort in the words of the good book, especially the words of David when he said "My sin is constantly before me".

And I am not talking of sin in the traditional sense, but rather falling short of ideals that are entrenched in my conscience by forces unknown (and infinitely unknowable), ideals that my conscious self holds dear but lacks the discipline to live up to.

What am I talking about? Well, just that sense, which occasionally rapes your otherwise most serene moments, that you're not, even in your own eyes, all that you're cut out to be, all that you pretend you are. I say you, but I mean me.

I've had a dream, for the first time in a long time with the genre of post-apocalyptic earth. I cannot remember the details, but even in my hazy recollection, I found solace in this, the destruction of the dominion of the parasite that is man and its elimination from an otherwise harmonious existence. Concurrently, I came to the realization that it is that same parasite which I so passionately would deny my ties to that gives meaning to everything else. Following swiftly on the heels of that realization is the acceptance, alluded to at the beginning of this post, that I am immensely like every lesser mind, full of fault.

I am neither suicidal nor do I harbour actual ill will to any individual mortal. Why I must clarify this, I have no idea.

On a matter of principle, and keeping up with the facade, I will not post this today. Are you confused? If yes, don't worry, so am I. If you aren't, don't worry either, I completely understand that we all find our masks protective and reassuring.

I feel like this was meant to be poetic, but I have no urge to attend to the superficiality of poetic forms.

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Failed Social Experiment

Lesbians are not as fun as they seem from far, they're so human. I had the chance to hang out with a bunch of them but I guess the mix was steeped not to work out too well for me.

I learnt one thing, where human being have differences and diversity, all these are based on the basic principles that make us human. Such as love, attraction and lust. I know, quite primal, but the list is inexhaustive.

I realise I'm inclined to enjoy the company of a select few, and no more. There was no incentive to talk to anyone, and this is in my house. So of course I called for social reinforcements.

The thing with me is that I don't pursue lost causes, I must have a reasonable expectation of victory for me to bother, and I honestly did not see myself having successful conversation with this group.

Well, that's one social experiment which I won't be repeating.

I need to do a post on the human capacity for evil. I visited the kigali genocide memorial and I was almost moved to tears, not by the sheer capacity for evil exhibited by the hutu but in most part by this statement said in the darkest hours of Rwanda - "save a single soul and you save the world entire". This was said by a person in the face of death. Staggering stuff. More on that in a separate post.

I can't hide discontent, I think my guests have noticed and might be making plans to leave, or maybe its not true, just wishful thinking. Oh well, I guess I'd better post and strategize their exit.

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The End Of All Things Good

Sitting here next to two lovers, watching the young in their frivolity and trying to read about a character that I have stubbornly refused to let go of.

I guess they are lovers from the way they lean close to each other to talk, something short of standard bombers conspiratory proximity but much closer than peeves discussing random exploits. I can't see a ring on either hand. It touching, every single soul has the innate desire to identify and share with another soul, and yet this remains a most elusive goal. For me especially.

They young with their frivolity. I'm presuming the frivolity from the senseless pursuit of fashion (which serves my recurrent need for aesthetic sustenance) and the baseless bonds of friendships and the non-committal flirtations. Sigh, they say youth is wasted on the young and at times I wonder what I would do with mine to prove that the old adage lacks ubiquity. I love the young, and how audaciously they adopt and adapt to change.

I made a mistake, I lashed out in anger and lost the one approach I respect in social engagements - diplomacy. I had a clear goal in mind and had plotted out what I needed to do to achieve it, but I underestimated the tenacity of the subject. Yet another sigh.

I'm enjoying the last weekend before I go back to work, actually half a weekend since I'll be leaving for a business trip before the weekend is over. A friend of mine asked me what I could say I did with my leave, and I'm proud to have not hesitated in replying. The one thing that I did with my leave is the one thing I believe serves the purpose of leave. I rested. I've seen too many people who return from "rest" all tired and exhausted and looking like they need exactly what they came from.

I must say I love the new over priced international chicken snack shop which debuted in the country recently. The number of sights and sounds in this place  has now become overwhelming. A friend of mine who shares the same debauchered social pastime today remarked to me that observing and appreciating is becoming hard from the sheer options that we are assaulted with on a constant basis.

I made a bizarre observation yesterday, I'm losing more and more in card games and truth and dares, especially where the penalty for losing is stripping. And even more bizarre is I'm finding myself not minding it actually got down to my undies at a point. I know, too much info. The point is, maybe I should actually take on swimming. I've always relished the idea but have never been comfortable being scantily dressed, unless I'm getting some. But if recent events are anything to go by, I think I'm getting more and more confident of being in my own skin.

Farewell, dear leave, you have been kind and gentle with me.

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Rote Post

Its an interesting 2nd week of leave. A few notables:

1. I've gone from meeting people to negotiate contracts whose only value proposition for the meeting was to highlight all my proposed changes and agree with them. It defeats the purposes of me having sent tracked changes on email. If you think its that they are averse to using technology to make life easy, you're wrong. He was reading the contract from his laptop. Sigh, the things we do for money. And then, we were to have a follow up meeting today and my efforts to confirm the meeting and its venue do not yield fruit. But that does not stop them from sending an email to tell me they were waiting for me all that time. I mean, I texted them and tried calling but nothing seemed to get their attention. I will sleep with a clear conscience knowing I tried.

2. I want someone but I've had to back down. Well, to be fair, my interest is not enough for me to defy the odds, and the odds seem to be stacked against me. Sigh, the things I refuse to do for love. I completely refuse to like someone who does not (or just lacks the courage) to like me back. Yes, I can refuse to like. It's not denying myself, or my feelings. Its like ignoring an itch until it goes away, once you master that art, your emotions tend to learn how to figure out they're fighting a loosing battle.

3. I'm suffering from aching body parts and reduced libido. That basically means this is a boring week, but in that specific sense, last week wasn't any different. But the end result is that, its Wednesday and I have only 2 official days of leave left. Of course I'm going back to the office in September, but those are details.

4. I have absolutely no inspiration to write, hence this half baked, lackadaisical post. I really need something to make me angry so I can post a good one, otherwise at this rate I'll take an extended leave from this biznaz.

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Oh-CAMP fOr SIX

What? That was the most profound dignity stripping event ever. Goes to show how important preparation is. I went camping, no, that wasn't the problem. The problem is that we randomly decided to race, and I was way ahead. But then, my shoes decided that since they had long shoe laces and had not been tied, they could pull a judas on me. My shoes left me, mid stride, and I flew. No, seriously, there's falling then there's diving then there's flying. Lucky for me my chest "broke my fall" and I skidded safely to a halt. I got bruises in unexplainable parts, some unmentionable parts too. Fortunately there was no expectation of rising to the occasion because of serious injuries to a most cruicial part - my ego.

Moving on. Camping was fun.....until we ran out of everything from alcohol to firewood to meat. But that 6 city boys got a fire going with cold firewood and without parafin tells me there's hope yet when the world ends.

So anyway, here I am starting the last week of my leave with the walking style of a trauma victim. Why my things are aching, I have no idea.

Things to carry next time: kerosene, alcohol, pillows, mattresses, extra ego, kettle (never again will I take hot tea for granted in the morning). The lesson learnt is that there are things we take for granted which are most critical for our sanity, and a fun weekend away is the best way to remember them.

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Chronic Labeler

I'm back at it again, this describing people shit. I'm a labeler. It makes me sleep better at night, and of course y'all identify corresponding people in your lives. I've always thought I'm a good judge of character and personality, at times from a mere look, and I'm rarely ever wrong. In fact, I can think of only 3 times in my life when I've been what you can call remotely wrong about someone's personality. I may not figure out exactly what you are, but I never fall for the facades that are all too common in today's society. I have a facade too, and I take great pride in it, and even greater pride in its permanence.

I'm a sucker for nice people, so most of the people I bother thinking about have something about them that say "I'm nice". It's the vagaries of this niceness that makes them different. Take for instance this person who is an all round fake, every action and reaction is simulated but not felt, and every attempt at self-description is is a perpetrated fraud, a hollow shell of a person actually (Ok, that's a bit judgemental). Then there's this nice person who seems a bit too eager to please but whose real motivation I'm yet to figure out, but at least the smile is genuine. Ok, maybe I've read a little too much into it from a few random encounters. But as I said, I read a lot from the first few glances, and very little of that reading turns out to be faulty.

I won't categorize any more here. I'm a stereotype junkie, but I insist that the stereotype must be accurate enough and you must be willing to make concessions on an individual level.

I have a friend who I've known for ages and people wonder why we get along so much. I finally figured it out yesterday. He gives voice to my more personal views and therefore keeps me from the brink of madness. He's a bit like me, in the way that matters, and therefore makes the voice in my head sound normal. Thats a good thing, right.

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Leaving Feels So Damn Good

My first few days of leave have been exquisite. I haven't gone to Mombasa as planned but I'm not complaining.

I was dragged out of my house by my friends at 11pm and taken to an old man's place. I was under the impression that we were just going to pick up a camera and so naive old me was shocked to get back home barely in time for my leave bed time - 3am. But it wasn't all bad, the old man is hilarious, very hilarious, starting from the backdrop that he was unhappy to have to entertain at such a late hour. I was laughing for the first could of hours on Monday - no better way to start the week.

One of the funniest thing, and quite flattering as well, was the question "does your mother know you're out?" I got a stitch.

Today I woke up late, and I woke up to work. I've picked up a personal client courtesy of an old friend, and this client is more comfortable with me doing the work instead of the firm, and I think the work will pay well too. So I didn't mind waking up to spend an hour getting food for my non-existent children.

Then I went looking for HD versions of this years big movies - Transformers and Harry Potter. Sadly, nothing except camera copies are available for download. So I made a spur of the moment decision - to go watch the damned thing in theatre. I like this spontaneous biz - 40 minutes later I was in Westlands.

And finally the principal reason that I've posted today. A model says I look great in skinnies. HILARIOUS, ain't it? But strangely I'm still flattered. Blame those sales people and their way of getting you to think you're making the best decision of your life. Maybe now I'll stop going to westlands n just sit in front of the mirror - nah, my ain't that big.

I'm liking this week so far.

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I'm Leaving You

I've finally started my leave.

It gave me such profound pleasure to tell a colleague "see you in September", and to have a last working day of the month on the 12th of the month. Sadly, time has this thing it does and eventually September will come and I'll have more than three months before my next big break from work.

Anyway, so how has my leave started? Not bad. Some over-hyped international kenchic opened at the junction and all the young people who live more for the social rep than anything else flocked to "my mall" and provided me with an excellent opportunity to "bird watch". So I spent a few hours there, and met with a friend, a client and two recent acquaintances, one my namesake and the other someone I like quite a bit. That was fun.

And here I am, Sunday afternoon with a sitting room full of people watching some drama series - I'm so interested in watching drama series, y'all know me and my love for that kind of sh**.

I can't make up my mind whether to go to coast or not, the primary reason for not going being that I'll go alone and I'd much rather risk being bored in the physical proximity of my meager resources (namely internet and TV) are located. We'll see.

I'm curious as to whether I'll blog more now that I have time on my hands. I have my doubts, all the things that happening that are interesting enough to blog about are things I'm ethically prohibited from discussing here :)

So now I need to crystalize the camping plans this week so I'm not caught by the typical last minute rush.

And I need something to make me angry so I can post something with a modicum of passion.

And why are all the nice people such bad drunks?

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Of Work and Polar Opposites

I'm having one of the busiest weeks yet, lots to clear up before I go on leave. So it was with great fascination that I heard my boss telling a client how I'll be meeting with him next week Tuesday to discuss a transaction. His audacity is impressive, matched only by my tenacity - the meeting was eventually rescheduled. I mean, I'm supposed to be waking up to Coast's warm humidity at that point in time and as much as the opportunity cost is vastly appealing (another reason for the need for sarcasm font), I had to engineer a way of aborting it.

I have two clients who are polar opposites of each other - on a scale of 1 to 10, one rates 9 while the other, minus (-9) (please consider the triple negatives as compounding each other). Allow me to compare and contrast:

1. When one calls, I jump at the opportunity to help them out. When the other calls, I get the same feeling a rash in the privates would give any normal person.

2. Whenever I'm going for a meeting with the first, I'll probably get a call in the morning asking what sandwich they should have ready for me. When going to the other's office, I recall what I ate last and wonder if it might come up during the meeting and if it has enough nutritional value to keep me from passing out.

3. When I'm doing work for the first, I carefully think about how to cater for their interest. For the second, I wonder whats the minimum I can do without my conscience getting worked up.

4. When I bill the first, its paperwork, actually someone just changes the dates and I sign. If I dare bill the other, its sort of similar to stepping on a cat's tail, I don't bother wasting paper nowadays, I just send pdf copies for the sake of our environment.

5. When the first pays, I barely know about it, the accountant just does his thing. IF the other pays, we are paralysed with shock (and exhaustion from all the follow up it took) and have to spend quite a bit of time in prayerful thanksgiving.

6. When I get an email from the first (which it frequently comes with a smiley, once an embarrassing "mwah"), I click reply then read to see what to say . When I get an email from the other, I hit delete then think about the kind of trouble I'd get into before confirming the deletion (come to think of it, I should relocate their email folder to "trash").

7. When I get a call from the first on my mobile phone.... wait, its never happened, if they can't reach me on the land line, they assume there's a reason why. When I get a call from the other..... wait, I don't any more, they're on my block list.

8. When I think about returning a call to the first, I wonder what the heck I was doing to have missed it, it might have been an emergency, and I'd have wanted to hear if they're in trouble so I can help. When I think about returning a call to the other, I wonder what the heck I was doing to have missed it, calling back is an additional expense for no good reason, and it might have been an emergency and I'd have been happy to hear that they're in trouble.

9. The first never misses on my daily "to do" list. The other has made me think of starting a "not to do" list.

Someone said that if you enjoy it, then it wouldn't be called work.

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Saying NO

I know so many people who have a problem saying no.

Ok, I must confess, I do too. Especially when it comes to saying no to myself. But when it comes to saying no to people, that one I have mastered. It's a cruel art, making you look bitchy at best and downright troubled at worst but, like money, it's a necessary evil

My heart bleeds when I see people suffering as a consequence of not saying no at the right time. People so frequently get themselves into social conundrums due to their conscientious drive to be courteous, and inexorably, human beings around them adapt subliminally into pushing them to this limit knowing they will have their way if they hold out long enough.

Consistency and conciseness is the key to saying no, but then again, you must be sure you have the moral right to say no, otherwise your conscience will overrule you.

And with those few paragraphs, I condemn this post to drafts, until I'm inspired enough to develop it to something only slightly substandard or I'm desperate enough to post it as is. Ironically, this paragraph critiquing this post is the only one I like, in retrospect. Sigh, I should not have been too eager to start blogging.

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Friday night splash

I've always been minded to write a post about balance. But it'd be too judgmental. It'd be based on my twisted sense of balance.

So I won't write about that.

Anyway, I'm a bit high. I couldn't figure out exactly how to spell inebriated only to discover its my phone dictionary which didn't know better.

I'm easy to please. So its with shock that I confess I'm bored. Old people tend to bore me, old white ones even more.

So a strategic retreat, without the house owner's consent, n how to do it with a few well trained dogs in the vicinity.

Alas, I need to stop typing before I say something regrettable. But then again the risk is minimal, I don't happen to have a lot to say when I'm high. Seems my synapses fire as usual even with alcohol, save for locomotion.

I crave my bed. I feel hard pressed to add that its not the specifications that count, rather the fact of ownership. Credit to Martin for pointing out former ambiguities.

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Camera Shopping

I have many brilliant friends.

I'm humble enough to defer judgment to my friends on any area in which I do not feel sufficiently qualified so when it came to buying a camera, I knew precisely who to call. I've known this guy for more than three years now and he amazes me at his uncanny vast knowledge of electronics and cars. I mean, this guy is like a walking wikipedia of stuff. Show him and picture of a car and he'll start going on and on about that car until you stop him. Brilliant.

So I deferred judgment to him and asked him what kind of camera I should be looking for. He gave me very useful pointers but sadly, I could not go with his first choice for two reasons. He knows his stuff, and like everyone who knows their stuff, he insists on quality which, inevitably, is pricey. He also speaks like he has an elastic wallet, mine is anything but elastic. And so I had to precariously balance between taking his advice and not calling my wallet ridiculous names it will not respond to.

Ok, I hear you, so I would have spend a lot more was it some other kind of techy device but really, for someone who was satisfied with the 3.2 MP carl zeiss lense that came with the Nokia 5800, there is something like too much money to spend on a camera (and that amount is just slightly above the cheapest).

So here's what I learned about cameras from the consultations that I did.

First, lense manufacturer is key. I guess this one is pretty obvious because while we go after names for the dignity that accompanies their reputation, there is also the assurance of quality. It's like a credit rating, it computes future performance on the basis of past trends. We pay more for German cars not because of regional affiliations but because of reputation (in both name and performance). So for a Sony camera, carl zeiss was the name to look out for, and having had a good experience with this particular lense manufacturer, I was more than happy to keep an eye out for that name as an absolute minimum.

Secondly, megapixels count, but not as much. Now you'd have expected that with my affinity for math and basic knowledge of what pixels are, I'd have figured this one out on my own. You're right, but only at a theoretic level. I mean, we all say size matters, but really, unless it borders on extremes, who really cares that much. Anyway, pixelation is like resolution, once past a certain point, it serves little practical purpose. For instance, when downloading HD movies, I go for 720p instead of the impressive 1080p simply because with the TV size I have, there's little practical difference between those two resolutions. It makes me sad to know I can't distinguish between 720p and 1080p. Back to cameras, once past a certain pixelation, the only advantage with larger size is just how much you can zoom without losing resolution, and for computer viewing, zooming is just for show.

Third, mechanical zoom counts if you like scenery (or bird watching like me). Mechanical zoom is just how much the camera lense can actually zoom, as contrasted with how much the display can zoom in on what the lense captures. And this actually is what, so far, I have a problem with. 4X performs pretty ok but is not for serious bird watchers. Maybe I should just get binoculars.

Fourth, colour. I have little to say about this. When I finally settled on the model to buy which my wallet could accomodate, I had a choice of two colours, pink and silver. I'd have preferred black but luckily the two available colours were pretty easy to choose from.

He wanted me to go for the W570 and I opted for the W530, saving 4k in the process. I'm not too sure my eyes are currently calibrated to tell the difference between the two makes as far as end product is concerned but I'm already wishing I paid the 4k to get HD recording capability.

This tree outside my office has never been photographed, to my knowledge.

First pic. I promise to do better.

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End July Rants

I've been reading Harry Potter fan fiction (don't judge me, everyone has a problem with letting go) and from the many stories I've sampled or completed, I came to realize that the essence of a good story is not really in it's plot, at least not for me, but rather in how well the characters are developed and how much I can identify with them, positively or negatively. And yeah, that's one sentence. Fortunately, this is a blog and I don't have to worry about developing characters. I can write what I damn well feel like.

We all get irritated by the weaknesses of others, especially when we regard them as basics, but what I find puzzling is those of us who critic something in which we ourselves are, rather obviously, not good at. Please people, if you want to set yourself as having a command of, say English, do try and make an effort to use it well. We have google nowadays for a quick spell and meaning check. So no excuses, either give us a disclaimer that you weren't taught well, or make an effort to defy your teachers. My disclaimer is this, I'm ambitious in the use of punctuation marks, and frequently stretch the meaning of words to beyond common endurance, and I do not speak half as ok as I write.

Pusillanimous. Someone told me about this word. It's an aversion for risk, and in a social setting can include commitment issues. However, if (and a lot hinges on this word) the stakes are high enough, risk can be justified. I'm pusillanimous.

Of malls and school holidays. That is all.

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The Vagaries of Miscellany

I initially chose "The Miscellaneous Many" as the post heading but who can pass us the chance to use the word vagaries. I hate the word random, so I'll describe this post as covering several unimportant erratic topics.

Seeing the hate messages leveled at one Alfred Mutua, so called government spokeman, I begin to wonder. What if it’s all deliberate? What if he gets a hefty salary to Njoki Ndung’u us (if you don’t know, read to the end and infer the meaning, I’m not given to explaining context unless its to a client) into abject hatred for him and therefore diffuse our notion of the utter crassness of the actual leaders that we [prudent] Kenyans elected? On that note, one wonders who does the voting in the country, over 18s or under 18s. Back to the issue, while I have great faith in the human capacity for stupidity, no single human being can be that aloof of just how much of a fool he appears and how incensing his statements can be. I refuse to believe that there exists in this “third world failed state” the polar opposite of the ideal that is Mother Teresa, mostly because I’m sure the poor woman had her faults, if at all she is human, and those faults might prove perhaps have been most disappointing. Personally I never underestimate the ability of human beings to inflate reputation to suit their fantasies, having suffered this fate at the hands of a hapless and hopeless few.

Today morning, I was irked to the point of writing an email. It’s incredible how the normal things that annoy people have little effect on me but a few mundane things inspire such intense anger. I think I need a psychiatrist. Actually scratch that, perhaps a panel of them would be more in order. I have interacted with a few and whenever I encounter one alone, I tend to figure out pretty quickly what conclusion they have reached that they expect me to adopt as my own. Now I see why that is annoying except, invariably, I’m right. Oh yes, knowing I’m right is all I need (if you get the undertones and the overtones, congratulations, you’re qualified to be an audience. And if you figure out the actual inspiration for this, don't credit yourself, its because I intended you to).

The email was 873 words long, but due to the haste in which I sent it, I had to quickly follow up with a 94 word addendum. I hate second guessing myself in writing, just goes to show my mind is not as organized as I would want it to be. I started by highlighting (briefly) how hard I’ve worked to be where I am, with various public institutions trying to stop me. Three of these public institutions had at their helm a certain gentleman who, despite his overt malice against me and my contemporaries, still manages to impress me above his peers. This particular gentleman once told us something that to this day, remains simultaneously his most malicious and most impressive statement “You’d better cooperate or I’ll revise the exam I’ve set for you and throw in some barbed wire”. I will be forever (common overstatement) impressed by the analogy.

Back to the email. The reason for highlighting my achievements was not an ego trip, it was simply to establish that I was capable and competent to do a certain [rather simple] task. Following closely was a paragraph detailing my dilemma. Despite my competence, circumstances had conspired to deprive me of one of the tools required to do both what I’ve been trained to do and what I had set out to do before writing the email. I then proposed a very convoluted way of going around the problem and resolving the dilemma. I concluded in an uninspiring plea to my colleagues to accommodate me in the course of my day due to the “mental anguish and emotional distress” that the dilemma had occasioned me.

967 words in total, a brilliant (if I may say so myself) piece of literature for the most mundane excuse – that someone had stolen my ball point pen and the in-house (in-office would me more appropriate, I presume) procurement processes recently imposed were ineptly irritating.

Sigh. It seems that despite my sincerest effort, momentary anger seems to be the only thing capable of inspiring my writing.

I’m planning my holidays for next month and one thing is blatantly clear, I’m not as wealthy as the social me requires me to be. What happened to the cold soul-less existence that was me years back? I used to go to the movies alone, now I’d actually consider cancelling for lack of sufficiently appropriate company. So when it came to planning a camping trip, I could not bear the thought of being alone (sadly, conversely, my budget buckled under the pressure of the social aspects of my plans). Sad, but at least I still have 2 weeks to figure it all out.

There’s nothing like technology to bring people together, I mean, isn’t the world one big village where everyone you know is merely a shout away and the number of people you can know is limited simply by practicality? From the now normal emails and phone calls to the success of social networks like Facebook, it’s clear that technology has done more for humanity than all the treaties of the world combined (broad unverified assumption, I know, but work with me). So it was with disappointment that I reacted with shock to yet another instance of technology facilitating our innate social nature. I finally met my neighbor, one Kimberly (I’ve always liked that name and when I was young and convinced that marriage was an inevitable stage in life, I always wished that Kimberly would be the name of the girl I marry. Doesn’t that name just sound like the epitome of urban elite? I digress).

How we met? Internet, but not exactly how you’d think the internet hooks people up. Earlier this month, we got a fibre-optic internet connection for home and as part of the standard equipment, we got a wireless access point. Our [beloved] Kimberly has been seeing the access point on her machine and finally gathered the courage to talk to the obscure quasi-social neighbours next door. Quasi-social because while we don’t know (and frankly don’t care about) our neighbours, they clearly know we like parties especially after the fiasco which I commented on in my last post. Kimberly mentioned the party, but did not highlight (and as far as I could read her, was not concerned about) the peculiar nature of the party (if you don’t know, as I said, I’m not here to give context). If it was, and I’d bet a tidy sum that it wasn’t, an attempt to get psychological leverage on me, then she’s got to be seriously bright coz she pulled it off like a charm. I did not tell her no, rather that I would consult my housemate with whom I cost share the connection. That’s as far from no as I can go in such short notice.

Back to the present. This weekend has started on an ambitious note. Yesterday evening I got 5 calls/inboxes/texts on my plans for today evening. So it seems I have an outstanding barbecue this afternoon and two (very peculiar) guests for this evening. At the same time, I have absolutely no idea what to with the rest of the weekend. Well, as usual, something will come up (absolutely not pun intended. Honestly, I didn’t even see the pun until I had finished typing that) and if it doesn't (not that I have the problem extrapolation of the previously unintended pun would suggest), then I have my trusty TV and several un-watched and re-watchable movies.

If I was to run a survey for my blog, it would be to determine whether or not I’m as cryptic as I tend to think I am. To some people the blog is mostly open and obvious but even to the best I bet there’s the occasional doubt as to my meaning. Oh well, I’m not running a survey soon. Speaking of surveys, I did a quick background survey for that email I wrote, and as it turns out, no one in this office has ever had a ball point pen run out of ink on them. I’m tempted to lend credence to that theory in “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” that there is a planet out there that all pens teleport to when they are fed up of being handled, rubbed against paper, compared to swords and otherwise used nefariously (in this case with the meaning inclined more to disgust than to evil) to reach into those random body orifices that defy the fingers. Too much information right there, I know.

Why is my Google in Swahili? What the hell do you mean by "Leo ni siku yangu"?

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Reprieve

I've finally conceded and decided to give reprieve from my silence. It's been ages since I've post and I have actually gone 7 days without a single post. I've been partly resisting and partly uninspired, and even this is simply clutching at straws.

It's been an exciting one week with loads happening.

For instance, my housemate decided to test the limits of socialization and invited "a few" people over. This time, a few turned out to be 40+ on Saturday night. The house was so crowded, moving from the front door to the balcony was cardio. He was also ambitious enough to assume the bash would end at 11pm.

Now the one thing you must know about my dear housemate is that he suffers from a profound case of the nice. He cannot compel someone to do what's required/prudent/appropriate even when he has the right to, and he suffers terrible inconveniences for it. Now, I on the other hand have no qualms disappointing even good friends if it suits the larger agenda better,.......so I had no problem NOT helping him get out of the mess. A lesson had to be learnt. Ain't I such a caring angel?

So the boy had a stressful night, but I think it was not a complete waste of social torture. I remained behind to watch, mostly, with a few detours to town and to Westlands to take in some eye candy given that there were only 2 or 3 nice ones to look at the bash, all of them beyond my reach for one reason or the other.

I met with two lovely people on Sunday afternoon. One, an old young friend and another a new young friend. The latter has a crafty little mind and refreshing personality, and is cute (which is not to say the former is entirely without virtue).

On Monday afternoon I had my first public speaking event in years. In fact, I do not recall ever speaking in public before Monday. It was some week long training at the institution where I got my post graduate qualifications on a subject that I'm conversant with and so my boss asked if I wanted to present. I love the respect I'm given in this office, anyone else would have been told to do it, but I was given the option. Either they are used to my stubbornness and creativity at avoiding arduous tasks or they have actual respect for me - the former being more humbling and therefore more palatable to my conscientious self.

It went well, with the convener commending me for a well structured PowerPoint presentation and apparent command of the subject. Simple as the task was it was a feat on my part, marred only by the occasional shaky voice. I definitely do a better job in writing but I guess given my ambitions, I should try and get my oratory skills to be at par with my writing skills.

I've been busy of late, with July marking the race to meet annual financial targets, hence the reduced frequency of posts. This trend is likely to hold, and I must say I'm shocked I managed to sustain multiple posts per weeks for this long.

I'm increasingly learning to appreciate my friends, and the habit of making more friends, and, typically so, the habit of analyzing those friends and the things that move them.

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I’m stubborn. I’m sorry.

I’m stubborn. I’m sorry.

I’m not apologizing for what I am, because, strange as it is, I think I need to be stubborn to be a better person. You know that guy who never gets angry? Ever thought that maybe you’d really regret it if he got angry?

Where is this coming from? Well, I was recently blasted to oblivion about being irritating. Now, anyone who knows me knows few people can actually bother/dare to take me on face to face. I guess that explains the rumours and third party information which I tend to eventually hear about myself. And I never engage in verbal violence or even heated conversations to the point where expletives are used. It solves nothing,.......and I might shrub if I speak while agitated. I was given a thorough verbal lambasting.

Anyway, the blast got to me. And it got me thinking, maybe I should change my ways. The reflection was short lived when I realized that, while I’m not perfect and have a lot to learn in managing people, the problem in this case was not me, or, to be humble, not just me.

Find the most irritating, stupid or even downright evil person in the world and see if people around him are constantly on his case about his vice. Human beings have this remarkable ability to put up or get out and after a while, they do find a sort of balance with those around them. It’s third parties who cause sparks as they strive to find this balance.

My point is this, for someone I’ve known for this long to suddenly blast me about my personality (which has so far remained constant), it must be something that they are dealing with rather than an independent completely new reaction to an already established behavior.

To put it in fewer words, I was subjected to verbal spanking from someone who was obviously going through some emotional turmoil. Maybe I should pity them. Or maybe I should just give my default reaction to human tantrum, subject it to a severe dose of indifference. The latter always works to restore the balance or establish a whole new balance. The former is quite humanitarian, and as you all know, I’m the last person to be accused of that.

Let’s assume for one second that the outburst was not a childish tantrum. This would automatically lead to the conclusion that it was orchestrated deliberately to test my reaction. And we all know that we’re required to put your best foot forward in a test, pretense is tantamount to cheating.

This is my reaction – indifference. Please stew in your own soup until soft, add salt and bitterness to taste, and garnish with lemons. That’s the recipe I recommend.

So it seems this month I get to practice indifference where my base instincts would have proposed a more emotional response. And not just for this case, but in the case of the one person who single handedly inadvertently inspired the start of this blog last year.

I wonder if I’d be less cryptic if I didn’t know people who know me read this blog. I'm grateful to the one person who has confirmed his appreciation of this blog. Or is he, typically, being nice? :-)

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Cryptic

I had posted this a few days back but deleted it out of residue of human empathy that I have, but the residue has since been depleted and otherwise rendered redundant so here goes the post.....


So apparently I'm not as clever as I thought.

Just to be clear, I didn't think I was that smart to being with but hey, I think I thought therefore I thought I am (some of you will get that, some of you won't, so don't feel bad if you don't, it's life).

A wise man once said, for most things there is no absolute truth, just the strength of your convictions. That wise man is me, just now. I guess that's the premise of all religions and most faiths (all except that which I subscribe to and don't you dare question my faith in my own blog), power emanates from conviction rather than the truth of the belief.

I digress.

I have come to this realization due to recent interactions and especially with one interesting individual. I like understanding people just like the rest of you but the difference is that I like putting my understanding of people in words, elsehow said, I like being able to describe the people I interact with.

And I've met my match.

Well, not exactly someone like me, but someone I see similar traits in, resulting in both fascination and frustration on my end. Fascination coz, well, I'm me. And frustration coz, well, I'm me - stubborn and resilient, impatient and almost incorrigibly unforgiving.

But like the ying and the yang, the maturity of the one is the seed of it's own destruction. In this person I see a shadow (not less, but vaguely similar) Of my strengths, and sadly so, my weaknesses. Intelligence has it's limits, resilience it's disadvantages and principles the ultimate obstacle in the pursuit of goals.

Cryptic post? Its entirely possible that one year from now when I have more important concerns, I maybe as clueless as you are as to what I'm alluding to.

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The End of a Saga

Yes, of course I watched Harry Potter.

What did I think of it? It was an apt finish for the movie series and did not make me feel swindled, but as usual the script wasn't written, and the movie wasn't directed, by George Lucas or Steven Spielberg, so I could always find one or two points to criticize.

But the point of this post is not to critic the movie. It's to celebrate it in a more specific manner. Severus Snape. My most favorite character from the first movie and through out the series. Yes, you guessed that this has something to do with his peculiarity, his mastery over his emotion and his obvious but often hidden potency and the even more hidden rumors of his goodness. My dark soul gravitates to such characters.

It was almost tear jerking when, during his last moments (yes, he dies in this movie, many people die, get over it) his last words brought into sharp focus the very first words he spoke when he burst into my life almost a decade ago. I heard them in my minds [ear]. I can give you his entire dialogue in a heart beat......ok, maybe a bit more time.

I was keen to see whether he would turn out to be a force for good or evil, just as I would be concern about what path I'd take if I had supernatural powers. And I was not disappointed. I won't give spoilers here but I must say I loved the angle that the movie took on this point.

My highlights in the movie? I'm torn between hearing Voldemort laughing and seeing Bellatrix being killed. Is it just me or are there distinct parallels between Voldemort and a character I'm compared to occasionally - Sheldon Cooper? The laughter, the awkward body movements and retarded feigned displays of emotion, it was all too familiar.

But at the end, it was sad. That was the end of an awesome movie series spanning the last decade. I grew up with that boy - Harry Potter. From the first movie in which he was virtually prepubescent to the last movie where he's beyond barely legal.

I'll miss looking forward to the next Harry Potter.

For this movie we didn't have someone high on smoked plant leaves, but it did have it's audience driven moments. There this time someone's phone rung - the default Nokia ring tone. And someone went like "For real?". Then this time Harry was at a brightly lit place and someone volunteered the much needed information "bright light". I guess everyone who had closed their eye at that point got indispensable info at this point. I know, boring.

The fact that I knew more than 10 people in the audience goes to show that the movie has a very specific following. For those who know what I mean, I wonder whether it has anything to do with the use of wands.

PS, the last two paragraphs were included as an afterthought due to duress. I felt the post needed more content. See what happens when a post does not come from the the heart? The heart? Haha (insert Voldemort/Sheldon type laughter here). The heart. Really!

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18 of the 86 Rules of Drinking

Apparently there are 86 rules of drinking. Out of the bunch, only 18 made it here:

1. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
2. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
3. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.
4. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.
5. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
6. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice
7. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
8. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
9. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
10. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
11. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
12. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
13. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
14. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
15. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
16. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
17. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
18. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

 No comment, and no psych-eval!

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"[Random Stranger] has accepted your friend request"

I promised someone I'd dig into their profile and get to the first ever facebook wall post or post a blog. After 10 minutes, I had gone all the way back to February 18, 2011 where there was a post about tomatoes and fruit salad. I gave up. Waaaay too much wall activity. So now I have to post something here instead.

Don’t you just hate it when blogger is down and you have a burning post to put up? Well, that’s not happened to me in a while so that was just a pointless whine. Here’s a more contextual one.

Don’t you just hate it when facebook sends you a notification saying that “[Random Stranger] has accepted your friend request”? Random Stranger being someone you have absolutely no recollection of sending a request to.

Doesn’t it make you feel like there’s a bunch of people out there who frequently see your friend request on their profile, sneer at it adoringly then conveniently ignore it? And doesn’t it feel like they must have lost some level of self esteem to finally accept that friend request, months or perhaps years later?

I mean, even banks recognize that cheques go stale after 6 months, shouldn’t facebook have such a rule for friend requests? I know I have, so every time I get one of those (not that its frequent but its happened more than once), I’ll go to that person’s profile and unfriend. If you’re really that interested, send me an invite. I promise I won’t sit on it. I’ll accept (unlikely) or “not now” it so fast that I’ll hardly, save for near eidetic memory, remember there was such an incident a few hours later.

Wednesday is the worst day of the week for me, its both good and bad, like Severus Snape. It’s so darn close to Friday but at the same time so close to Monday. At least Monday’s all bad, especially before noon, like Voldemort in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (which you probably haven’t watched yet unlike me…..assuming you don’t read this before Friday at 10pm – triple negatives, I wonder what Mrs. Gitau would say now).

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