My Peculiar People

I've known a few weird people in my life. In no particular order of peculiarity or affection, they are:

1. Mr. Nice - this guy is so nice that I had try to find people who could hate him. As in everyone likes this guy, like some juju charm working over him. To this day I haven't found anyone who doesn't just adore him. It's so freaking annoying but I can't bring myself to hate him either. Not that I have any reason to, but I like being different, I hate the idea that I, like every other jack, fits into some cosmic emotional template. Loveable guy, this one.

2. Drama King - this guy is so blatantly attracted to drama that he almost salivates when he see something happening. Like a "hulk" but for the dramatic. I lack the words to describe this one. He gets a high seeing people fighting, or making out or anything that you don't see everyday on the streets. He actively seeks out these events and I'm sure if he could maintain independence he would instigate them himself. How we met, I have no idea, but he's quite entertaining.

3. Mr. Outer Limits - to be fair, this guy has changed. But he used to be the guy who doesn't know what's not appropriate for public "consumption". You know that little thing inside that tells you to close the door when shittin, or aim away from people when peeing, or lower your voice when praying for those material things? Now imagine that thing being castrated, have it's tongue cut out, the whole body dipped in acid,staked thru it's equivalent of the heart and otherwise subjected to radiation. You can imagine it wouldn't give you a lot of direction when you need it. That's what must have happened to this guy. But alas, now he's a part of my social life, and, as long as he doesn't get any worse, I'm happy to have him there.

4. Mummy Dearest - the only woman to feature on this list. She's positively the best mom ever. I know that's a clichèd thought but I think know why it's such a prevalent opinion. This woman has, for as long as I've known her, given her all to her kids. Never have I seen anything but selfless acts from her. And age and the persistence of the requirement to sacrifice have not made her bitter. And for that she has the undying devotion of a son hell bent on success for one sole purpose, to make her life as incredibly successful as it possibly can be. No words can express the love I have for her.

5. Mr. People Person - this guy has a way of getting behind people's defenses and charming his way into a fruitful conversation. Regardless of age, social niche or political-economic eminence, he will find a way of identifying with all and having a merry conversation. The most predictable thing about his calls is that he'll find a reason to burst into booming contagious laughter. And he's cheeky, strange for his age, and will find humour in the most sordid of circumstances. What a curious boss for such a cynical skeptic. Much like a dad I never had, but always wished for.

6. Mrs. People Person - no, not the wife of Mr. People Person but his business partner. And yes, I know I said Mummy dearest was the only woman to make this list, but what the heck, it's my blog. She does not find her way around their defenses, she blondes her way into them. Don't get me wrong, she's brilliant at her job but insists on being so damn clueless about everything else, and as absent minded as a guinea pig without a wheel. But she's unimaginably full of life and it shows on her face. She's almost inexorably on her phone and she's almost always laughing, at times just coz she thinks it might be remotely funny and she'll get it later.

7. Sir Wind - this one stands out for his hidden streak of royalty. He knows quality and believes he is meant for it. I guess that's the trait that attracts people to him. Once referred to as "gatherer" for his knack for getting "them" after everyone else has tried their level best. He's a silent charmer, worming his way into the pants hearts of our unsuspecting targets. He believes in himself, and this is why he's dear to me.

8. Mr. 20:20 Vision - this one has a talent for seeing them from far and the guts to bring them closer. He's single handedly introduced me to more people than the Internet itself. I'm yet to figure out how he does it, or how, despite all appearances, they are constantly drawn to him. Maybe it's his bold approach coupled by the guts to approach. He's incredibly useful to have around bit that's not his sole purpose. He has an impossibly vast reservoir of stories about all manner of conceivable social situations. Such a dear one.

9. Mr. Sun - this guy is so full of life and can't keep it under wraps. He's a joy to be around even in those embarrassing moments when he's a little too bubbly for public consumption. At a time when I was cleaning up my social life, he survived the purge coz, as I once put it, "no one can ever get me to disown him". Like the sun, we're not as close as we should be, but those few moments are cherished.

10. Mr. Swag - he's big, he's black and he's got more swag than y'all put together. You know those people you just know were meant to be rich and proud, yeah, he's one of them. And not proud in a bad way, just knowing he's all that and a gucci bag. If he didn't drink alcohol like a fish, and smoke like a chimney, I'd be hosting him daily to get infected with some of that swag. Me I like this one.

11. Madam Virtue - this woman (2 years my junior) is so resplendent in her virtue that I think the bible mentions her somewhere. No, seriously, I'm even thinking it's a mistake putting her in is list with all them sinners. She ain't the halo-adorned churchy but she has principles and she's not ashamed to put you in your place, you downright wicked person, you. Her dedication and discipline is most inspiring.

12. Madam Cry A. Lot - Such a dear sweet thing. She's truly one of my longest serving friends. But the earth is like one giant onion being cut up coz she can cry at just about anyting. There's this one time she couldn't reach her husband on the phone and no one could contain her fears. But she has a good heart, and does warn me when she's about to cry so I can take refuge. I have allergies to most human emotion, especially those ones that tend to paralyze the unfortunate mortals in the vicinity.

13. Mr. Break My Heart - I know this one person who walks around wearing his heart on a sleeve for any random person to break it. Actually, come to think of it, I know two such people. Their incessant believe in general human good is most humbling, and naive. Their superhuman powers like that of wolverine, no matter how many times their hearts are broken they heal instead of turning into bitter venomous critters.

14. Mr. I Don't Have A Heart - this one walks around claiming to be a vicious bloodhound with no heart or indeed any part of the circulatory system. His motto is "love me at your own peril." He's a thumping good actor because the truth is that he's a puppy with a super fragile heart. Yeah, he's a fraud, but then again, who, including the author, isn't? Most interesting individual I've met in years. His sharp mind and dark soul remind me of.......well, me.

15. The Wine Master - if it's alcoholic, he knows it. More importantly, he knows how to mix it and what to take it with. The Science of Drinking is the name of the lecture he'd give if he was to give one. And my, is he an instructor. If he's part of a conversation, in a while it will be him giving the story and y'all will be listening to his words of wisdom(or just fact). A treasured pal.