The End Of All Things Good

Sitting here next to two lovers, watching the young in their frivolity and trying to read about a character that I have stubbornly refused to let go of.

I guess they are lovers from the way they lean close to each other to talk, something short of standard bombers conspiratory proximity but much closer than peeves discussing random exploits. I can't see a ring on either hand. It touching, every single soul has the innate desire to identify and share with another soul, and yet this remains a most elusive goal. For me especially.

They young with their frivolity. I'm presuming the frivolity from the senseless pursuit of fashion (which serves my recurrent need for aesthetic sustenance) and the baseless bonds of friendships and the non-committal flirtations. Sigh, they say youth is wasted on the young and at times I wonder what I would do with mine to prove that the old adage lacks ubiquity. I love the young, and how audaciously they adopt and adapt to change.

I made a mistake, I lashed out in anger and lost the one approach I respect in social engagements - diplomacy. I had a clear goal in mind and had plotted out what I needed to do to achieve it, but I underestimated the tenacity of the subject. Yet another sigh.

I'm enjoying the last weekend before I go back to work, actually half a weekend since I'll be leaving for a business trip before the weekend is over. A friend of mine asked me what I could say I did with my leave, and I'm proud to have not hesitated in replying. The one thing that I did with my leave is the one thing I believe serves the purpose of leave. I rested. I've seen too many people who return from "rest" all tired and exhausted and looking like they need exactly what they came from.

I must say I love the new over priced international chicken snack shop which debuted in the country recently. The number of sights and sounds in this place  has now become overwhelming. A friend of mine who shares the same debauchered social pastime today remarked to me that observing and appreciating is becoming hard from the sheer options that we are assaulted with on a constant basis.

I made a bizarre observation yesterday, I'm losing more and more in card games and truth and dares, especially where the penalty for losing is stripping. And even more bizarre is I'm finding myself not minding it actually got down to my undies at a point. I know, too much info. The point is, maybe I should actually take on swimming. I've always relished the idea but have never been comfortable being scantily dressed, unless I'm getting some. But if recent events are anything to go by, I think I'm getting more and more confident of being in my own skin.

Farewell, dear leave, you have been kind and gentle with me.

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Rote Post

Its an interesting 2nd week of leave. A few notables:

1. I've gone from meeting people to negotiate contracts whose only value proposition for the meeting was to highlight all my proposed changes and agree with them. It defeats the purposes of me having sent tracked changes on email. If you think its that they are averse to using technology to make life easy, you're wrong. He was reading the contract from his laptop. Sigh, the things we do for money. And then, we were to have a follow up meeting today and my efforts to confirm the meeting and its venue do not yield fruit. But that does not stop them from sending an email to tell me they were waiting for me all that time. I mean, I texted them and tried calling but nothing seemed to get their attention. I will sleep with a clear conscience knowing I tried.

2. I want someone but I've had to back down. Well, to be fair, my interest is not enough for me to defy the odds, and the odds seem to be stacked against me. Sigh, the things I refuse to do for love. I completely refuse to like someone who does not (or just lacks the courage) to like me back. Yes, I can refuse to like. It's not denying myself, or my feelings. Its like ignoring an itch until it goes away, once you master that art, your emotions tend to learn how to figure out they're fighting a loosing battle.

3. I'm suffering from aching body parts and reduced libido. That basically means this is a boring week, but in that specific sense, last week wasn't any different. But the end result is that, its Wednesday and I have only 2 official days of leave left. Of course I'm going back to the office in September, but those are details.

4. I have absolutely no inspiration to write, hence this half baked, lackadaisical post. I really need something to make me angry so I can post a good one, otherwise at this rate I'll take an extended leave from this biznaz.

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Oh-CAMP fOr SIX

What? That was the most profound dignity stripping event ever. Goes to show how important preparation is. I went camping, no, that wasn't the problem. The problem is that we randomly decided to race, and I was way ahead. But then, my shoes decided that since they had long shoe laces and had not been tied, they could pull a judas on me. My shoes left me, mid stride, and I flew. No, seriously, there's falling then there's diving then there's flying. Lucky for me my chest "broke my fall" and I skidded safely to a halt. I got bruises in unexplainable parts, some unmentionable parts too. Fortunately there was no expectation of rising to the occasion because of serious injuries to a most cruicial part - my ego.

Moving on. Camping was fun.....until we ran out of everything from alcohol to firewood to meat. But that 6 city boys got a fire going with cold firewood and without parafin tells me there's hope yet when the world ends.

So anyway, here I am starting the last week of my leave with the walking style of a trauma victim. Why my things are aching, I have no idea.

Things to carry next time: kerosene, alcohol, pillows, mattresses, extra ego, kettle (never again will I take hot tea for granted in the morning). The lesson learnt is that there are things we take for granted which are most critical for our sanity, and a fun weekend away is the best way to remember them.

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Chronic Labeler

I'm back at it again, this describing people shit. I'm a labeler. It makes me sleep better at night, and of course y'all identify corresponding people in your lives. I've always thought I'm a good judge of character and personality, at times from a mere look, and I'm rarely ever wrong. In fact, I can think of only 3 times in my life when I've been what you can call remotely wrong about someone's personality. I may not figure out exactly what you are, but I never fall for the facades that are all too common in today's society. I have a facade too, and I take great pride in it, and even greater pride in its permanence.

I'm a sucker for nice people, so most of the people I bother thinking about have something about them that say "I'm nice". It's the vagaries of this niceness that makes them different. Take for instance this person who is an all round fake, every action and reaction is simulated but not felt, and every attempt at self-description is is a perpetrated fraud, a hollow shell of a person actually (Ok, that's a bit judgemental). Then there's this nice person who seems a bit too eager to please but whose real motivation I'm yet to figure out, but at least the smile is genuine. Ok, maybe I've read a little too much into it from a few random encounters. But as I said, I read a lot from the first few glances, and very little of that reading turns out to be faulty.

I won't categorize any more here. I'm a stereotype junkie, but I insist that the stereotype must be accurate enough and you must be willing to make concessions on an individual level.

I have a friend who I've known for ages and people wonder why we get along so much. I finally figured it out yesterday. He gives voice to my more personal views and therefore keeps me from the brink of madness. He's a bit like me, in the way that matters, and therefore makes the voice in my head sound normal. Thats a good thing, right.

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Leaving Feels So Damn Good

My first few days of leave have been exquisite. I haven't gone to Mombasa as planned but I'm not complaining.

I was dragged out of my house by my friends at 11pm and taken to an old man's place. I was under the impression that we were just going to pick up a camera and so naive old me was shocked to get back home barely in time for my leave bed time - 3am. But it wasn't all bad, the old man is hilarious, very hilarious, starting from the backdrop that he was unhappy to have to entertain at such a late hour. I was laughing for the first could of hours on Monday - no better way to start the week.

One of the funniest thing, and quite flattering as well, was the question "does your mother know you're out?" I got a stitch.

Today I woke up late, and I woke up to work. I've picked up a personal client courtesy of an old friend, and this client is more comfortable with me doing the work instead of the firm, and I think the work will pay well too. So I didn't mind waking up to spend an hour getting food for my non-existent children.

Then I went looking for HD versions of this years big movies - Transformers and Harry Potter. Sadly, nothing except camera copies are available for download. So I made a spur of the moment decision - to go watch the damned thing in theatre. I like this spontaneous biz - 40 minutes later I was in Westlands.

And finally the principal reason that I've posted today. A model says I look great in skinnies. HILARIOUS, ain't it? But strangely I'm still flattered. Blame those sales people and their way of getting you to think you're making the best decision of your life. Maybe now I'll stop going to westlands n just sit in front of the mirror - nah, my ain't that big.

I'm liking this week so far.

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I'm Leaving You

I've finally started my leave.

It gave me such profound pleasure to tell a colleague "see you in September", and to have a last working day of the month on the 12th of the month. Sadly, time has this thing it does and eventually September will come and I'll have more than three months before my next big break from work.

Anyway, so how has my leave started? Not bad. Some over-hyped international kenchic opened at the junction and all the young people who live more for the social rep than anything else flocked to "my mall" and provided me with an excellent opportunity to "bird watch". So I spent a few hours there, and met with a friend, a client and two recent acquaintances, one my namesake and the other someone I like quite a bit. That was fun.

And here I am, Sunday afternoon with a sitting room full of people watching some drama series - I'm so interested in watching drama series, y'all know me and my love for that kind of sh**.

I can't make up my mind whether to go to coast or not, the primary reason for not going being that I'll go alone and I'd much rather risk being bored in the physical proximity of my meager resources (namely internet and TV) are located. We'll see.

I'm curious as to whether I'll blog more now that I have time on my hands. I have my doubts, all the things that happening that are interesting enough to blog about are things I'm ethically prohibited from discussing here :)

So now I need to crystalize the camping plans this week so I'm not caught by the typical last minute rush.

And I need something to make me angry so I can post something with a modicum of passion.

And why are all the nice people such bad drunks?

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Of Work and Polar Opposites

I'm having one of the busiest weeks yet, lots to clear up before I go on leave. So it was with great fascination that I heard my boss telling a client how I'll be meeting with him next week Tuesday to discuss a transaction. His audacity is impressive, matched only by my tenacity - the meeting was eventually rescheduled. I mean, I'm supposed to be waking up to Coast's warm humidity at that point in time and as much as the opportunity cost is vastly appealing (another reason for the need for sarcasm font), I had to engineer a way of aborting it.

I have two clients who are polar opposites of each other - on a scale of 1 to 10, one rates 9 while the other, minus (-9) (please consider the triple negatives as compounding each other). Allow me to compare and contrast:

1. When one calls, I jump at the opportunity to help them out. When the other calls, I get the same feeling a rash in the privates would give any normal person.

2. Whenever I'm going for a meeting with the first, I'll probably get a call in the morning asking what sandwich they should have ready for me. When going to the other's office, I recall what I ate last and wonder if it might come up during the meeting and if it has enough nutritional value to keep me from passing out.

3. When I'm doing work for the first, I carefully think about how to cater for their interest. For the second, I wonder whats the minimum I can do without my conscience getting worked up.

4. When I bill the first, its paperwork, actually someone just changes the dates and I sign. If I dare bill the other, its sort of similar to stepping on a cat's tail, I don't bother wasting paper nowadays, I just send pdf copies for the sake of our environment.

5. When the first pays, I barely know about it, the accountant just does his thing. IF the other pays, we are paralysed with shock (and exhaustion from all the follow up it took) and have to spend quite a bit of time in prayerful thanksgiving.

6. When I get an email from the first (which it frequently comes with a smiley, once an embarrassing "mwah"), I click reply then read to see what to say . When I get an email from the other, I hit delete then think about the kind of trouble I'd get into before confirming the deletion (come to think of it, I should relocate their email folder to "trash").

7. When I get a call from the first on my mobile phone.... wait, its never happened, if they can't reach me on the land line, they assume there's a reason why. When I get a call from the other..... wait, I don't any more, they're on my block list.

8. When I think about returning a call to the first, I wonder what the heck I was doing to have missed it, it might have been an emergency, and I'd have wanted to hear if they're in trouble so I can help. When I think about returning a call to the other, I wonder what the heck I was doing to have missed it, calling back is an additional expense for no good reason, and it might have been an emergency and I'd have been happy to hear that they're in trouble.

9. The first never misses on my daily "to do" list. The other has made me think of starting a "not to do" list.

Someone said that if you enjoy it, then it wouldn't be called work.

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Saying NO

I know so many people who have a problem saying no.

Ok, I must confess, I do too. Especially when it comes to saying no to myself. But when it comes to saying no to people, that one I have mastered. It's a cruel art, making you look bitchy at best and downright troubled at worst but, like money, it's a necessary evil

My heart bleeds when I see people suffering as a consequence of not saying no at the right time. People so frequently get themselves into social conundrums due to their conscientious drive to be courteous, and inexorably, human beings around them adapt subliminally into pushing them to this limit knowing they will have their way if they hold out long enough.

Consistency and conciseness is the key to saying no, but then again, you must be sure you have the moral right to say no, otherwise your conscience will overrule you.

And with those few paragraphs, I condemn this post to drafts, until I'm inspired enough to develop it to something only slightly substandard or I'm desperate enough to post it as is. Ironically, this paragraph critiquing this post is the only one I like, in retrospect. Sigh, I should not have been too eager to start blogging.

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Friday night splash

I've always been minded to write a post about balance. But it'd be too judgmental. It'd be based on my twisted sense of balance.

So I won't write about that.

Anyway, I'm a bit high. I couldn't figure out exactly how to spell inebriated only to discover its my phone dictionary which didn't know better.

I'm easy to please. So its with shock that I confess I'm bored. Old people tend to bore me, old white ones even more.

So a strategic retreat, without the house owner's consent, n how to do it with a few well trained dogs in the vicinity.

Alas, I need to stop typing before I say something regrettable. But then again the risk is minimal, I don't happen to have a lot to say when I'm high. Seems my synapses fire as usual even with alcohol, save for locomotion.

I crave my bed. I feel hard pressed to add that its not the specifications that count, rather the fact of ownership. Credit to Martin for pointing out former ambiguities.

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Camera Shopping

I have many brilliant friends.

I'm humble enough to defer judgment to my friends on any area in which I do not feel sufficiently qualified so when it came to buying a camera, I knew precisely who to call. I've known this guy for more than three years now and he amazes me at his uncanny vast knowledge of electronics and cars. I mean, this guy is like a walking wikipedia of stuff. Show him and picture of a car and he'll start going on and on about that car until you stop him. Brilliant.

So I deferred judgment to him and asked him what kind of camera I should be looking for. He gave me very useful pointers but sadly, I could not go with his first choice for two reasons. He knows his stuff, and like everyone who knows their stuff, he insists on quality which, inevitably, is pricey. He also speaks like he has an elastic wallet, mine is anything but elastic. And so I had to precariously balance between taking his advice and not calling my wallet ridiculous names it will not respond to.

Ok, I hear you, so I would have spend a lot more was it some other kind of techy device but really, for someone who was satisfied with the 3.2 MP carl zeiss lense that came with the Nokia 5800, there is something like too much money to spend on a camera (and that amount is just slightly above the cheapest).

So here's what I learned about cameras from the consultations that I did.

First, lense manufacturer is key. I guess this one is pretty obvious because while we go after names for the dignity that accompanies their reputation, there is also the assurance of quality. It's like a credit rating, it computes future performance on the basis of past trends. We pay more for German cars not because of regional affiliations but because of reputation (in both name and performance). So for a Sony camera, carl zeiss was the name to look out for, and having had a good experience with this particular lense manufacturer, I was more than happy to keep an eye out for that name as an absolute minimum.

Secondly, megapixels count, but not as much. Now you'd have expected that with my affinity for math and basic knowledge of what pixels are, I'd have figured this one out on my own. You're right, but only at a theoretic level. I mean, we all say size matters, but really, unless it borders on extremes, who really cares that much. Anyway, pixelation is like resolution, once past a certain point, it serves little practical purpose. For instance, when downloading HD movies, I go for 720p instead of the impressive 1080p simply because with the TV size I have, there's little practical difference between those two resolutions. It makes me sad to know I can't distinguish between 720p and 1080p. Back to cameras, once past a certain pixelation, the only advantage with larger size is just how much you can zoom without losing resolution, and for computer viewing, zooming is just for show.

Third, mechanical zoom counts if you like scenery (or bird watching like me). Mechanical zoom is just how much the camera lense can actually zoom, as contrasted with how much the display can zoom in on what the lense captures. And this actually is what, so far, I have a problem with. 4X performs pretty ok but is not for serious bird watchers. Maybe I should just get binoculars.

Fourth, colour. I have little to say about this. When I finally settled on the model to buy which my wallet could accomodate, I had a choice of two colours, pink and silver. I'd have preferred black but luckily the two available colours were pretty easy to choose from.

He wanted me to go for the W570 and I opted for the W530, saving 4k in the process. I'm not too sure my eyes are currently calibrated to tell the difference between the two makes as far as end product is concerned but I'm already wishing I paid the 4k to get HD recording capability.

This tree outside my office has never been photographed, to my knowledge.

First pic. I promise to do better.

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