Apparently there are 86 rules of drinking. Out of the bunch, only 18 made it here:
- If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
- Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
- For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.
- Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.
- If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
- It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice
- Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
- If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
- Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
- Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
- On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
- If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
- Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
- After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
- If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
- Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
- Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
- You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.
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