Imagine this

A dear friend of mine has an imaginary friend.

By extension that means I know an imaginary person. I was talking to a colleague of mine and had an epiphany in the middle of the conversation. If I'd received a friend request from an imaginary person a long time ago and accepted it, I'd have an imaginary friend. And then people wouldn't think I'm as mad as they think I am.

Doesn't figure? Well, you know how in marking a composition, you don't penalize the author for a spelling mistake twice? Well, if people knew me to have an imaginary friend, I'd blame him for all the very sane things I say but which people seem to think I'm crazy. That way, I'd only have my sanity questioned for having an imaginary friend but not for all those crazy things that such a friend would undoubtedly say.

My epiphany took things one step further. If my interest in the imaginary person is to blame him for those things that I cannot resist saying, then he (or she, but most likely he otherwise we'd spend more time arguing and measuring male apparatus than actual blaming each other) does not need to be a friend. He can be an imaginary enemy, or even better, an imaginary stranger. This way, I might even pass the insanity test since I won't technically have an imaginary friend.

However, my logic was rebutted by that colleague of mine who seems to have a proper response for almost all my improper statements. She is of the opinion that the problem with having an imaginary friend is actually not the word "friend".

Be that as it may (really uselessly wordy phrase), I do think the approach would have been the better way to go. Having already mentioned the principle purpose of having an imaginary friend, I think I should specify why having an imaginary stranger makes even more sense to me. With friends comes the complications of a bond occasioned by affection, and we all know what those are.

With an imaginary stranger, I don't have to remember imaginary updates, get blamed for keeping in touch, have to take into account his imaginary feelings and most of all, I don't have to tolerate his incessant imaginary talking or pleas for financial (or even sexual) help. Imagine the imaginary sex. And the fact that I haven't done enough imaginary work to fill up my imaginary bank account. Crap. Sorry, I meant, imaginary crap.

When all is said and done, I definitely missed an opportunity in my past to have an imaginary stranger. And now I have to stop since, after all, haven't I just said all is said and done? So what else is left to say and do that would require a new paragraph?

Nothing.

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