Sample social irritants

1. Live a little - yes, your life is fun and you are by far making more use of it than the poor lifeless folk around you. But who appointed you entertainment manager of the universe. Leave us be, maybe we find boredom fun, yet another social paradox like pain being pleasure or fear being entertaining or blondes being good in bed.

2. So tell me about yourself - now I like the sound of my voice and find myself a great topic for anytime any place but if it's a social setting, try and be more creative. Chances are that if you ask that question, you're either a veery boring person to be around or we're just not going to enjoy each others company.

3. So what's new - read - we've reached that stage in our chat where the awkward silence would play is ever so important role. Further below is what not to say during this serene moment. If it comes shortly after "hi", then our social relationship needs rethinking.

4. they're there theirs - this is infinitely more common and therefore more frustrating than item 5 below. My comments there (or should I say their) apply but by a three digit factor.

5. Quit quite quiet - my English teacher did me a great disservice. Yes, she did teach me grammar and all but she, unfortunately, did not have the capacity to inculcate the more particular nuances of the language in me. However, I think we need a public campaign on the use of these words.

6. Rat race language evolution - we all know acceptable truncations in chat. Veery few of us like chatting in pure prose but there's a limit. Ok, let me say it as it is - truncating the last vowel of every swahili word is not cool. Focus people, progress is generally in the forward direction.

7. Mob psychology - I respect individuality even when I don't agree with it's detail. However, the pursuit of traits because they are popular in some circles is a tragedy - murder most foul on creativity and self acceptance. True, as social beings our every desire is shaped in part by the opinion of others and creativity is little more than rearrangement of memory, but living someone else's life so passionately alludes to a most desperate soul.

8. Unsuccessful attempt to improve on awkward silence - God made those awful breaks in conversation for a reason and it's profoundly presumptuous of people to rudely interrupt them with random topics which justify the silence. Conversations starting with "so..." tend to be bad ways of breaking the silence.

10. Face'less'book profiles - it's facebook, darn it. You think we spent all this time developing a real profile complete with pictures and posts and updates just so we can connect anonymously? Look for a freaking chat room or chat with your fellow faceless friends but for goodness sake leave normal profiles alone. Yeah, you with the 4000 friends, you haven't made it to my top ten.

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