Games for Old People

Over a month. I'm cured. Sh*t, I'm here again.

To the point, I’ve been playing “how did you meet ‘this one’” with various friends and acquaintances and it got me thinking nothing can surprise me; I've had it all.

Sadly some stories are tragically short. Take for example this one:

– I met this one on facebook. One of us added the other, the other accepted, we met a few times, a friend may have been involved and VOILA, here we are.

Or I met this one on facebook too. One of us added the other, the other accepted, we met a few times, a friend of a friend may have been involved and VOILA, where are we? *remove 'friend'*

Or I met this one through a friend, a random happenstance off the streets of Nairobi and before I knew it, there was a friend request, an acceptance and VOILA.

Others are more interesting; like this one:

-I saw this one on facebook, liked the little I saw, sent a request so I could see more, liked most of what more I saw, hit on them like it'd been a while, met them, saw them kissing someone ugly and VOILA, here we are, and no further.

Or I stumbled on this one on the streets of Nairobi talking to a friend, double clicked the like button, did weird magical search things on facebook, found the profile and before long there was an adding, an accepting, a chasing, a catching, a living happily ever after limited edition, a breaking up, a brief awkwardness, a good getting along, and VOILA.

Or I met this one back then when there was only internet, before they became all up in your face in malls and shit, when there was little choice and before ‘the beautiful ones were born’; there was a meeting, a getting bored, a keeping in touch, a good getting along and VOILA, people throwing bff-shit our way.

Or I stumbled on this one in a mall, with a friend, was smitten but naïve, got a text the following day, got caught up in a love triangle the following weekend, was given a choice, made an even better choice, a there we were, a flying out, a getting pissed at the world and swearing ‘never again’, a keeping in touch, warm feelings, and VOILA, here we’re not.

Others are downright tragic; like these ones

-I met this one through the internet, I wasn’t moved one bit, a friend was involved, things got messy, I got me a stalker, I cut myself off from society, and VOILA, living in fear every day.

And I met this one, I fought the temptation to run, we talked, I rolled my eyes every time I blinked, it was over before long, I walked away and VOILA, I’m never looking back.

And I met this one through a dear friend, we got along like a pair of parrots, we hunted together, he got all the good ones I wanted, I got jealous, I got mad, I found an excuse, I didn’t talk to him for a year, I felt good, I accepted a friend request, and VOILA, I make sure to include ‘not interested in him” as part of my criteria for a good one.

And I met this one on mig, I liked, someone else got them first, I moved on, they were heart broken, I moved in to ‘console’, I got rejected, I looked at them again, sang best thing I never had inside, and VOILA, facebook chat once every few months.

And I met this one through a friend, I liked, was liked back, a friend was involved, I learnt I was confused, got even more confused, we did something silly together, we moved on and forgot, and VOILA, who the hell was I thinking about?

Looking back, all this teaches me one thing, never judge an “I met..” until you head “…and VOILA”.

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For no apparent reason I'll tell you what I've been watching of late. Steve Spielberg, mostly. He seems to have decided movies aren't the in thing, and that series are. So he has these interesting series out, the latest being Terra Nova. This one about a modern day community put in the middle of nowhere in the age of dinosaurs. Characteristic of him, he makes it not be all about dinosaurs. That man knows how to spin a tale.

Then of course Walking Dead has made a comeback. I find it to be the most captivating series this year. It's about this band of people surviving in a post apocalyptic earth trying to not be bitten by zombies. Such series have a place in my heart, wherever that one is.

I have an ulterior motive for saying all that, and I'll buy anyone lunch who can tell me what that motive is. And I promise not to cheat on that.

Anyway, I've just come from chatting with an idiot. I mean, can anyone be more transparent about their "hidden agenda"? I suspected their motive from hello. But I pretended to be the imbecile I'm not coz I had some spare time. Suffices to say I'm not interested in seeing that thru.

Oh, and over the last one month I think I've impressed myself by sticking to at least one resolve, that of not hitting on someone I'd otherwise be attracted to. And eventually they buckled, and I've still continued to ignore them. Why? Coz I can, and cause my ego doesn"t like repeat bruising.

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I think I'd like me if I met me!

If I met me, I think I'd like me. No, seriously. Thinking about it, I realize that I like me, objectively speaking. I'm almost exactly how I'd want me to be, and there's very little I'd change about myself. The little I'd like to change, is mostly what I can never change.

I'm not saying it would be a flawless encounter. No, I'm sure at first I'd be a little cautious, which I completely understand, of course. And then I would embark on a journey of discovery, self-discovery, you might say. And when I realize I've known enough about me to pierce the cold callous exterior, then I'd appreciate what I found underneath, and the need to protect it from the scalding touch of lesser mortals.

Oh yes, I think I'd like me, and I'd get along with me. I'd even understand my mood swings, and the need for some "me" time. Heck, I think I'd even love me, and with a few other considerations, I'd date me. Of course being a guy will have its complications, such as commitment issues to say the least. But love conquers all, doesn't it.

Maybe I'd judge myself too harshly, or demand too much of myself, but I'd understand why. And I would go a bit out of my way to accommodate myself because of it. I'd think I'd be a good friend to me, I'd be faithful, understanding without being suffocating and petty.

Sigh, it feels good to know I'd like myself if I met myself and had the chance to know myself.

PS, don't dare read any poetic strain in the post, it was not meant to be.

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Drugs are bad for you.

Which reminds me, jokes about vagina are just not funny. Period.

I had an exciting weekend in which I also got to think a lot about my life. Turns out that I'm chicken. The reason I didn't hit on someone I met was not because of principle, it was because I didn't have the guts and I was afraid of failure. Go figure (although to save face I must say the stakes were not nearly high enough).

But this blog is not about me, its about....., oh sh*t, it is about me.

For the third consecutive weekend I went for bowling. And in retrospect, turns out my score remains the same regardless of whatever state I'm in. But I think I should take a break, its getting boring already.

I'm planning yet another short vacation, and this time I must travel out of this city.

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Life Lessons

Your enemies rarely take you for granted. If they do, either you deserve it, or they won't be around much longer to take you for granted again. Your acquaintances rarely take you for granted. If they do, they are easily dismissed with the contempt they deserve.

Your friends on the other hand. They occupy that strategic place in your life which allows them the opportunity to take advantage of you. The ones who do it without knowing are both better and worse. They're better because they do it inadvertently, they're not making you a tool deliberately. They're worse because they don't understand the inevitable knee jerk reaction to being used. After long enough, you'll just have to snap, and they have the audacity to take offense. Few care enough (or have the acumen) to have multifaceted insight into the small conflicts that occur in society.

The ones who do it knowingly don't deserve the knee jerk reaction, they need instant reclassification. If you don't think that any of your friends can do this, you need only check out two areas of social interaction - mind games and back biting. There you'll find you culprits, devilishly gifted at disarming you with a smiling.

Thank God for relatives. Your relatives will almost always take you for granted, but that's what they're there for, they were pre-determined for the sole purpose of making sure that your friends taking you for granted doesn't come as a surprise.

Here's to not being surprised when friends take you for granted, and to us having the courage to do what we must, and to God, for giving us relatives to teach us a thing or two about how callous human beings can be.

No, I'm not writing this out of recent personal experience. And no, I'm also not purporting never to have made the mistake of expecting better from my friends. I'm just saying what's crossed my mind. Because I can.

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Bloctober

Ain't life just ironic?

I spent a few painful hours with two friends who were once love birds but have since found the inevitable differences. The tension in the air between them was palpable and tiring; eventually just had to separate for the sake of my Sunday. It all boils down to ego, I think. They're both too proud to make enough effort to get along with each other.

I don't blame them, my ego makes such socially awkward moments a case of black or white. We either get along and I recognize your existence or we don't get along and you're persona non grata. And its a bad thing, to be so damn unforgiving. Humans are not wired for that. Oh well, to each his own.

And they both spent countless minutes telling me how much the other is at fault. Sigh, I'm glad when I don't get along with someone, I don't go around saying how bad they are just so that by some chance they can hear that and make more effort to reconcile. If I don't get along with you, I just don't.

I sucked at bowling, a game about simple vectors. I normally don't suck, but the combination of alcohol and weird mix of company was disconcerting enough for my brains higher functions to be compromised.

I'll have an issue this week. I suspect I'll have to say no at some point, both to people dear to me and to myself. Bring it on, baby. I like the challenge of saying no.

Interesting month. I like.

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Wednesday Nightmares

I had a nightmare yesterday, actually a series of nightmares. But they weren’t nearly as scary as those in between moments when I was awake and checked facebook for current happenings. And no, Steve Jobs death did not scare me that much, in fact, the thought that someone else would beat me at coming up with clever witty jokes about that was more disturbing.

The source of my disconcertion was a news feed item that showed two people who recently became friends. One of these is the most psychotic person I know, as in I literary freak out every time I hear his name. And the reason for this is not my fault, mostly. When you have the kind of friends I have, finding your way into the most freakish situation is not very hard.

Anyway, I’ve been ignoring this person since before post election violence. I could brave commuting through the CBD during the height of the post election violence but I have not dared respond to the many attempts at reconciliation from this one individual.

The other one just has issues.

Both, at some point in knowing me, have wanted a piece of me, including wanting to cut out a large piece of me and watch me bleed to death. Ok, I exaggerate. But the point was, two vaguely distressing memories have converged into one anomalous association. I will wait with baited breath to see if a combined assault ensues.

Weeeeee shall, we shall not be moved (in a workers union singing voice).

Oh, Steve Jobs finally did something everyone alive now will have to do in their lifetime. He died. iTook a bite of that Apple once, and it wasn't bad, it wasn't bad at all.

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